Its amazing to me how I can be in one place one moment and then get on a plane and be in a completely different reality. Since Sunday I have been in BC, Alberta and now California, all of which hold memories of the lives I have lived in the past. I was reminded of the beauty of seeing a vast sky and watched a beautiful sunset while on the bus ride to Calgary. I saw the tops of mountains peaking up from underneath the tops of clouds as I flew to LA today. Coming back to LA I realized that this is exactly where I am meant to be in this moment. I just feel it and things flow so smoothly that it is hard to deny.
Walking around in Holly wood I was surrounded by people with passion for being true to themselves. Dressed up in costumes, dancing, Film crews, stars on the sidewalk, all remind me of that part of myself that longs to be seen. I have such a strong draw towards being on stage and on film, yet this deep seated hurt from ridicule and being laughed at as a young girl seems to override my passion. This feels like pain in body as that part tried to reveal herself. What I realized is that I need to surround myself with people like me who are just doing it, regardless of what others think or have said to them. Where is that strength and can it come out without being revengeful or spiteful as it has in the past? My answer is that it is right here waiting eagerly to be revealed and that I have done enough work on myself to be able to have it come out as a true expression of myself.
“What’s your dream? What’s your dream? Everyone who comes to Hollywood has a dream?” Pretty Woman
As you know I use signs to guide me and let me know I am on the right path and this can look like many different things, some small and some big. Today as I walked to the gate for my flight I saw an actress from the Canadian TV show “Being Erica” which I have watched the entire series twice! If I could describe the work I have been doing on myself over the last 3 years this would be the closet thing to it. So she was a huge sign just waiting for me at the gate as I am embarking on this journey. Thank you “Judith!”
I am now safely tucked into my friend Michelle’s home after a big tour of the hot spots in LA, a meeting with MJ on Hollywood Blvd, and a walk on the beach. I feel so at home here. The smell of the air, the water, the energy is all so familiar. Another reminder of all that I have done in the last year, where I have been and the ground work I have laid in order to be right where I am in this moment.
I have been so loved during this transition and want to express Gratitude to all of my friends that have helped me get this far and there are many. The Love that I receive is unbelievable at times and then I give my head a shake and remember this is what I have been working towards creating in my life and no one can be forced into loving me, it is all by choice and it is all a ripple effect of what I give of myself. The love I receive is a mirror of the love I give, I have created this.