Coming home tonight and finding that the kitty had peed on my bed, right in the middle and on my pillow, somehow with my door shut and locked nearly brought me to tears because its not like in the past where I can just get a new pair of sheets and throw these in the wash. I have no other sheets and no other blankets and washing a duvet by hand is not easy in these conditions, plus it is rainy season and they may not dry in one day. The puppy also left a spot of pee on the matt in my room, which was ok until I found the pee in my bed! Funny how I can handle some things but when things compound each other it becomes much more difficult to cope with.
Sitting with Alex and Claire sharing thoughts and ideas about life, our time here while sitting on a beautiful balcony overlooking the city and watching the rain was like heaven. This really made me see how much I want to be back in that space and it too was being handed to me. So this morning as soon as I woke up I texted Lucy Anna at the other house and confirmed I was moving back when Alex leaves. I felt so much lighter and like I had stood up for myself and given myself the respect I deserve. Now I am taking the day to myself and writing which is another way that I demonstrate self-love.
I spent yesterday afternoon in the rain with Gilbert and his students dancing to Thriller and other MJ classics! We practiced in the mud, we laughed and we shared Joy like I have never experienced before with the kids. When I arrived they were practicing and being video taped by a friend. They waved and the smiles on their faces we so big I could see them from road!
No matter what happens with this event I know that what I am offering these children is priceless but if I can help them find people to help them that would be even better. After we practiced we stood in a circle to talk and that was when the magic really happened and I felt like Michael was raining down on us with every drop that fell from the sky. We spontaneously started to dance and sing to “Man in the Mirror” as it played on my tiny speaker in the background. These young men who spend most of their day wandering, working or just trying to survive had the opportunity to be together in this powerful moment and the glow on their faces, to me, was a reflection of the light that was radiating from their hearts as we danced.
After we finished sharing our moves and doing the wave, we took photos for the write up I am doing for my blog and to send out to my friends to invite them to sponsor these beautiful kids. They stood proud in front of the camera and the hope in their eyes as I spoke to them about what I was going to do for them was so real it jumped out at the camera.
(This strong young man is named “Nizeyimana Janvier”)
One boy in particular, Janvier, stood out for me today and it was because he was so brave. He has no parents, only a sister but he lives on the streets alone and today that means in the rain. He is 17 years old and full of so much potential it was heart breaking to get on the Moto in the dark and know that he had no where to go and no food. The strength that the people here demonstrate is amazing to me and very sad at the same time. I know that I cannot save anyone but I know that I can help create relationships between them and others that can help. That is one of my gifts in this life, I am a connector of people.
(Sharing music via Bluetooth with the students so they can practice on their own! Funny that we can do this in the middle of a muddy, half built building in poverty ridden areas such as this!)
As the darkness encroached our time together I requested that we stand in a circle and hold hands which is very common here and the way in which they demonstrate such ease with physical contact always makes my heart sing. I felt myself being urged to step up and offer more of myself to them than I have been in the past and this meant speaking to them about the magnitude of what we are doing together. I listened to my own voice speaking strong words of confidence, trust, hope, and hard work. I felt the presence of MJ once again as I realized I was the leader here in this circle. I was the hope in their eyes and I represented action. I am the adult, I am the one that is capable of helping them make change in their lives, I am the one who is already educated and could easily be a mother to any of these children. It took me back for a moment and then I embraced it. I am beginning to step into the role I am being asked to play here and am humbled by the magnitude of such a task but I know I can do it. I felt myself emerge even further from my cocoon and begin to take myself even more seriously as a capable, confident woman who has a lot to offer.
As I continue planning to host the “Thrill The World”event and all that it involves, which is a lot, I see how I am rising to the occasion in a slow and steady way. This is the way I like to change as it feels more sustainable. I am being asked to be many things and bring out many personalities and I see even more how all of my life experiences are what make me exactly what I need to be in this moment. I am happy to have so much to offer and am so excited about the next 6 weeks and what they have to teach me.
(These young men are changing my life with every interaction!)
Rainy season is upon us in full force now and this is adding new challenges to life here in Kigali. I see it as a cleansing of the past and a nourishing of the potential that has lay dormant during the dry season. The timing is a perfect reflection of where I am at in my journey. My seeds are ready for some major watering and this is what I am about to get! Can’t wait to see what blossoms!