Here it is….my new (although temporary) home, which comes complete with a puppy and a dog to keep us safe and give us love! This morning I woke up to a feeling of knowing that I was moving on and it felt so right. I did my morning practices, which now have become routine and my body is feeling great, my mind a little busy, especially these last few days but that is what the practices are for! I thought I was leaving at 11am and when I received a text from Justin saying he would come and get me at 3pm I suddenly felt stuck. I realized that it was up to me to step up and STOP relying on others so much. I am perfectly capable of getting a cab and taking myself and my things to the new place. Getting a cab here means walking down the road and looking for one that randomly drives by or is parked in an open lot some where waiting, as far as I know you cannot just call a cab, seeing as there seems to be a lack of phone books as well since everyone has cell phones!
I found my self a cab within 10 mins and was soon on my way. When I arrived I felt immediately at ease and a huge sense of this being the right place washed over me and then I lay on the bed…and knew I was home! A Soft, fluffy mattress and pillow were not at all what I was expecting as since I arrived pillows have consisted of small chunks of foam stuffed into a pillow case or a hard piece of foam squished into a pillow case that is way to small to accommodate it, making it extra firm. So as the word heaven came into my mind and my body began to feel the wave of Bliss that it had just discovered, I also noted a hint of guilt.
This guilt came from knowing the situation that I had just left and that is was the reality that Justin and his family had no way out of, but I did. The room I am renting costs $14 a day with a monthly rate of $280, which is really affordable, even in my world. The part of me that felt the guilt is the part that doesn’t think I am worthy or deserving of the good things that I am capable of bringing into my life. I feel guilt about the privileged life I have had and am moving towards having even more of. I have been exploring the opposite side of this spectrum for about 3 years now, which began with selling my belongings and I mean actually selling or giving away 95% of all that I own or have ever owned, which at one point was enough to furnish a 4 bedroom home. I did so intentionally because I needed first hand, personal experience with having next to nothing. This was such a necessary step for me to take as it allowed me to actually feel Gratitude for the things I do have and to now be seeing how having certain things in life can enhance and make my life more fulfilling, if those things are brought in with intention and purpose – not to fill a void. I used to acquire things as a way to make me feel happy, to give my something to do, to give my life purpose. I was a collector of anything old, odd, kooky or wierd. I frequented flee markets, antique shops and sale bins searching for VERY specific things to complete the look I was going for or just looking to buy something to add to the collection. Nothing could just be simple, it all had to say something about who I was. I was very attached to all of it and in a lot of ways it controlled me.
To know that I am capable of making $80,000+ a year as a Nurse and to choose not to is often not understood but it is a very important part of the process. I am learning about how I view money, how it controls me and my actions, how it creates tension and fear in my body and how I had not learned how to respect it for what it really is – ENERGY! That’s all it is, an exchange of energy. I go to work and put out energy in one form to receive energy back in another form, the form that then allows me to acquire things in the material world. Somethings are necessary and some are for pleasure, some just pays the bills so I can survive. The goal in life for me is to do work that fulfills me and meet my needs, more than just financially. My work as a Nurse did not give me back an equal amount of energy as I gave to it and it left me feeling completely drained because I didn’t have balance. I was focused on paying my enormous student loans, paying a mortgage for an outrageously overpriced home and anything extra was wasted away on things I thought would make me happier – all of which are choices that I made in my life of which I have no regrets because of where I am now.
Money is man made, made up, it could actually and has actually not existed and yet it can run our entire life, if we let it and I have! The Earth is here to support us in all ways, it was created for this purpose. It gives us all that we need, it is humans that create these material things that we now feel we need in order to survive. I trust that if I continue to live my life staying true to my heart I will be supported and, Yes, that does included me having jobs that pay money but it will be in a completely new way. It will be from me giving of myself to the world in a way that is true, balanced and an expression of who I am. The intention will be not about the money but the good that comes from it. Seeing money as a way to enhance my life, help others and create a fulfilling experience of the world.
(Living in this much beauty on a daily basis not only cleansed my mind and body, it also rejuvenated my Soul!)
I had a job as an assistant cook in a tree planting camp a year ago and the experience was one of the highlights of my life. I loved living in a tent in the Mountains, being soaked by the rains almost everyday. I loved being outdoors more than I was in. I loved the community of people that this type of work attracted. The way they viewed money was very different from how I had experienced it in my life and they helped me see a new way of being in the world. Working very hard for a few months allowed these brave souls to then live life however they chose for the rest of the year. Some went to school, some to Mexico, some just hung out in their cabins, some were artists or sports enthusiasts, whatever it was it was right for them and they had created a world in which they had a choice. I realized I had a choice, a could live in a completely new way and so I am! The money I made allowed me to follow my heart to California to train in Water Release Therapy, it allowed me to live there for 5 months and this is how I found “Thrill The World” and met World Dance which was my ticket to where I am now – Rwanda. We never know what life has in store until we open our minds and hearts to new ways of living. Life doesn’t cost a thing but not living can cost us our life.
(When I walked into the cook trailer where I would be working, there he was – MJ, waiting for me! A big sign that I was in the right place and doing the right thing. My life since this time has given me even more faith in following my heart and having MJ as my guide has taken me on many amazing adventures!)
Once again, Justin is a shining example to me of how to work from this heartfelt place. He does what his heart tells him is the right thing to do regardless of whether or not there will be enough money because it is what he feels he is here on this earth to do. I am having glimpses of what my future can look like with my new perspective on money and work, the funny thing is that money doesn’t even come into play. Its not about that at all anymore. As I feel the momentum building around the Thriller event it is clear to me that I am doing something from my heart and no one can tell me that it is not work. Using my people and communication skills to spread the word, setting up and teaching practice sessions and creating excitement about this event takes time and energy, especially in a new city, new country and doing it on my own. This energy will not be returned to me in a financial way but yet I feel completely energized. If I were still that person who was attached to money as a necessary outcome for my time then this wouldn’t be happening right now in my life. I am now able to do the work my heart wants me to do and it feels like nothing I have ever experienced before as I feel completely fulfilled because what I get back is a knowing that I am spreading a message of love, passion, giving and Joy! There is SO much energy and excitement for it within my body. I am completely engaged in this work and the potential for more comes almost daily as I build confidence in myself and what I can offer.
(Justin and Alice came over to make sure I was OK in my new place. Justin said “I would not sleep tonight if I did not see where you were and how you were doing.”)
Life is for living, not for making money. I am here to work for my soul’s higher purpose and I have never felt more sure that I am on the right track. I know I say that often but everyday it becomes more and more clear. So, no more guilt about my own capabilities. I have made a commitment to myself to step into and own the unique skills that I was given and that is what I am doing. I guess I just though it would be more complicated – turns out life can be abundant and simple at the same time. I see more clearly why I didn’t feel like I was living in poverty with Justin’s family. They have very little possessions but they live a rich and full life because of how they view money, work, family and life itself. They are richer than a lot of people I know who have lots of money in the bank. To me this is what being wealthy looks like and if someday I receive money in return for living from my heart, which I will, then I will accept it and appreciate it for what it can add to my already fulfilled life.
(Alice and Justin radiate Loving Kindness and Joy!)